title for a forthcoming collection

I dithered so long about choosing a title for a forthcoming collection that the publisher finally chose a title himself, taken from one of the stories in the book. This is the first time this has happened and I am surprised at myself for having no desire to protest it…

In fact I am rather enjoying the relinquishing of control, at least temporarily. I guess even control freaks need the occasional break…


How the heck does one promote two books at the same time without appearing to show favouritism?

How the heck does one promote two books at the same time without appearing to show favouritism?

The only answer is to split into two equal halves and give a book to each of them…

THE LUNAR TICKLE for the ME on the left (my right)
CAPTAINS STUPENDOUS for the ME on the right (not politically)

Eternal Horizon

The September issue of Lightspeed Magazine has just come out in its ebook edition. This issue contains my story ‘Eternal Horizon‘ which is about what happens when the horizon gives birth and the sun starts to set behind the baby horizon instead of the real one, threatening to boil the oceans away, a disaster that can only be prevented by some pirates and a sea goddess…

OK rain, you’ve made your point…

OK rain, you’ve made your point…
You are sky water. You fall out of big dark fluffy sky sheep called clouds. You give the plants a drink. You make overlapping concentric circles on puddles and ponds like a geometry lecturer explaining venn diagrams. You trickle down the back of my neck like the opposite of erotic fingertips. I understand you and your game. You can stop now. There is nothing more to teach me…

My so-called ‘smartphone’ broke again…

My so-called ‘smartphone’ broke again last night, just because it got a few drops of rain on it when I took the photos of the moon peeping through the clouds. What a pathetic piece of technology! When I bought it, people said to me, “Congratulations! You have finally moved into the 21st Century! It’s like a miniature portable computer” and they were right, it is like that — like a crappy miniature portable computer that’s a feeble sad wimp and a backstabbing traitor into the bargain!

Wine of the Planet of the Grapes…

  • You, Ian Towey, Adam Beyonce Lowe and 4 others like this.
  •  Rhys Hughes starring Chardonnay Heston…
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  •  Mat Joiner You should collect these and call them Planet of the Japes!
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  •  Jonathan Barlow Beneath the Pomace of the Planet of the Grapes.
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes Score Is Entirely Made Of Ape Puns


    Michael Giacchino did a wonderful thing when naming all the tracks on his Dawn o See More
    15 hours ago · Like · 2
  •  Mat Joiner It also starred Heston Bloomenthal…
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  •  Rhys Hughes Rise of the Loaf of the Apes
    15 hours ago · Like
  •  Mat Joiner Planet of the Gripes.
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  •  Rhys Hughes Grommit of the Apes… “It’s the wrong planet and it’s gone wrong!”
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  •  Roman Godzich granite of the tapes ( which is what i call my rock music collection)
    15 hours ago · Like · 1
  •  Mat Joiner “This planet’s made of wensleydale! We really blew it this time, Grommet!”
    15 hours ago · Like · 1

Many people have bought John Williams’ novel STONER

Many people have bought John Williams’ novel STONER thinking that it is going to be about a stoner instead of a guy named Stoner. Doubtless they have been disappointed and have had to extinguish the joss-sticks and replace the early Hawkwind albums back in their sleeves… I recently abandoned reading it after about 50 pages for a different reason, namely that I found it a bit boring, too downbeat and ultimately pointless.

The pomegranate is

The pomegranate is an underrated fruit in Britain…
In the Middle East they have often been compared to the breasts of a woman in poetry; and in Spain there is even a city named after it. Deluged with Greek yoghurt is just one example of how they can be used to delight the tastebuds…

Just finished writing my 742nd story

Just finished writing my 742nd story. ‘The Melon Seller’ is about what happens when Atlas is no longer required to hold up the Earth and needs to find another job. This tale was inspired by the time I bought a watermelon that was so large I had to carry it home on my shoulders, like a titan propping up a planet…